Sunday, February 10, 2019


If anyone reading this post still considers themselves 'a conservative' today, please UN-friend me now.

I don’t want to know anything more about you. 
I’d rather not share any details of my life with you. 
And I can no longer stay silent & pretend that conservatives have values worthy of respect.

Let me explain.
Last week, a childhood friend who reconnected with me on facebook, was celebrating his new US citizenship, received that same day. But in the comments, I noticed a fresh post of his. He said that he hopes that his new vote will help turn Maryland red. A sick joke I thought at first. How could a friend of mine still be conservative? But it was not a joke. Even though I knew that this person had suffered the effects of prejudice when he was young, as an adult, he decided to join the ranks of those bullies of the right who promote discrimination and racism as a way of maintaining power and ensuring lower taxes for the super rich. The realization that some of you might still be conservative today pushed me to write this please UN-friend me now post request.

When I was a very young adult, I too, initially thought of myself as conservative. 
Yes to small government. 
Yes to limited government. 
Yes to lower taxes.
Yes to the freedom to do and be whatever I wanted.

But I soon learned the truth. Conservatism wasn’t really about those more noble ideas. Conservatism was about always being angry. Angry about about something. Angry about nothing. Foremost angry about paying taxes. Angry that the ‘hard earned taxes’ of the rich would go to help those considered unworthy and below them. Angry at other groups of mostly stereotyped minorities. And anger turns to disrespect and then hate. Conservatives always want to blame someone else for everything. In the 50s, conservatives hated Jews. Conservatives have always hated blacks. In the 80s, as gay men were getting sick with AIDS, conservatives started hating gays. And over the next 30 years, conservatives rallied their bigots against gays. Now conservatives rally against anyone who is not rich and white. Some conservatives hate Latinos. Other conservatives prefer to hate Muslims. While other conservatives hate Asians, or the disabled, or the Chinese or whomever they are told to hate at that time. And this constant hate and anger has become a conservative addiction, that feeds and perpetuates itself.

I now realize that the conservative addiction to hate and anger can never be quenched. Conservatives will always want to find some vulnerable disadvantaged group to try to hurt for their own pleasure and power. They love to fight. When there is no external enemy to fight, they even fight among themselves. Conservatives seem to always love to fight and be angry about something.

Trump has finally lifted the mask of civility that used to hide these core conservative values from public view. But now the truth is visible for everyone to see. Conservative core values are Greed, Anger, Fear and Hate. And these values are the sewage that lubricate the conservative machine.

Interacting with people whose core values are Greed, Anger, Fear and Hate is completely counter to my desire to be happy. And so after 35+ years of often suffering personally because of your conservative bigotry, I have decided to stop interacting with conservatives altogether. There is nothing to benefit because conservatives will never be happy. Even when they have everything, they are not happy. I choose to smile at the world and relish the world smiling back at me. I choose to be generous, rather than greedy. I choose to rejoice at every breathe rather than be angry. I embrace change as a force that can make the world better. And I choose to respect everyone, especially those that have been less fortunate than myself. Seeing the evil conservative carnage on TV is enough. I don’t want to interact with people who political views promote Greed, Anger, Fear and Hate. I just don’t want that in my life anymore.

If you are unsure if you are conservative (or libertarian), read the questions below. 
If you answer YES to ANY question, please UN-friend me now.
1.  Climate change is not real, and no amount of evidence will convince me
2.  There is too much political correctness in the world
3.  The military is never strong enough. War is inevitable. There are risks everywhere
4.  The answer to school shootings is more guns
5.  Society should not provide a basic levels of healthcare to all paid for through taxes
6.  Trickle down economics is real. Reducing taxes for the very rich helps everyone
7.  You like to kill defenseless animals for entertainment. Rabbits, birds, deer, fish
8.  Crossing a boarder without papers or overstaying a visa is crime worthy of lifelong sanction. But you think its ok for you to text and drive as long as you don’t get caught or kill anyone
9.  Gays are (pejorative adjective)
10.  Blacks are (pejorative adjective)
11. Latinos are (pejorative adjective)
12.  Muslims are (pejorative adjective)
13. Freedom is very important to me, but I don’t think that Muslims should enjoy the same freedom
14. When you hear that a young unarmed black man was killed by police, you lament that the police have a tough job
15. You like walls. The world’s population will increase by 1 billion souls over the next 10 years. So thank god there are more and more nice gated communities
16.   You believe that the police usually behave with respect across racial lines
17. Corporations are people too and should have the right to write the laws that govern them
18.  White privilege is not real.
19. You believe the conservative sewage that Hillary’s emails or Benghazi were real issues
20. Sex & Drugs are bad things that you don’t enjoy or experience. And that government should be able to limit and regulate these things and activities
21. Women should not be paid equally to men
22. Although you passionately believe in freedom, a woman should not have the freedom to terminate her own pregnancy because it offends you or your god.

If you answered YES to ANY of the questions above, please UN-friend me now.

If you’re a conservative and you’re still reading this post, I have a final thought.
Try this idea for 1 week: When you see or think a minority person that you normally don’t like, try smiling. 
And the next time you think of something that makes you angry, also try smiling instead. 
Try it all day long, not just once. 
You may end up being a happier person. 
And if you smile often enough, you may even end up liking yourself just a little bit more.

Friday, October 26, 2018

Tiago wins raffle for trip-for-2-anywhere !!!

Hi Everyone, I have happy to announce that Tiago Felizardo won my win-a -trip-for-2-anywhere raffle. The raffle was held yesterday Oct 25 at weho bistro during a special cocktail reception. Jess Barrios, our county health inspector, selected the winning name at random in front of small gathering of those closest to me.

THANK YOU to everyone who helped make 2018 an amazing year for me.
I met so many fun and interesting people this year and went on many amazing adventures.

I had so much fun, that I am hoping to launch a similar raffle in 2020.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

The biggest dance party on the planet. 

On Monday, Harry, Eric, and I, and 2,500 of the biggest gay partiers on the planet (from 88 countries) got on board the Monarch cruise ship in Lisbon for 1 week of non stop dancing. Technically we are headed to the Canary Islands. But we might as well steer in a circle. It's non stop dancing and estasy. The Tea Dances on the pool deck go from 4:30-8:30. Then dinner or sleep or a show. And then the main dance at midnight -5am on a magnificent 4 level atrium. Just dance dance dance all day and all night. And every few hours it's a costume change. It's demented. Made possible by La Demence. 


Tuesday, September 5, 2017

WIN A TRIP for 2 - Raffle : Oct 25, 2018

I am offering a raffle for a 10 day vacation trip for 2 people, anywhere in the world !
The raffle will be held Oct 25, 2018.

Let me explain.
On 2 different occasions, Jerry and I, won raffles for amazing travel vacations.
Incredibly, we won both raffles on Oct 25 of different years.
On Oct 25, 1996, we won a raffle trip to Mauritius (off the coast of Africa).
And on Oct 25, 2011, we won a trip to Sydney.
Emmanuel Rubin, my first husband, was born Oct 25, 1962. (He passed away in 1994)

So on Oct 25, 2018, I will hold my own raffle and give away an amazing trip.

This raffle is a way for me to express my gratitude for the amazing good fortune and extensive travels that I have enjoyed over the years.
I am 'paying it forward' to make someone else's travel dreams come true.
And I hope to have fun meeting new people over the next year.

To enter the raffle, invite me to do something interesting between now and Oct 25, 2018.
If we meet and I enjoy myself, I will give you a raffle ticket.

The raffle will obviously be on Oct 25, 2018.
The winner will get 2 airplane tickets to the destination of his or her choice, and accommodations and food for 10 days.

The raffle is open to anyone, anywhere.
But obviously, I won't have time to meet everyone, everywhere.
So think of something interesting for us to do together. Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Hopefully we will have a chance to meet and get to know each other.
And maybe you will win a trip for 2 to the place of your dreams.

For those who know me, I am glad to say that I am out of the rut I found myself in this past August.

If you've been following my blog, on Saturday, I am taking my journey in a completely different direction. I am so lucky to be traveling to Portugal, then going on a gay cruise to the Canary Islands. In May and June, I took a rather solitary trip to Asia, which focused on inner reflection and gratitude.
On this trip, I hope to meet many new people and have loads of fun.

Contact me thru

No purchase necessary 😈

Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Sanctuary and Horizon

I've just arrived on Koh Samui to start my trip home. And it's raining for nearly the first time on this trip. Even tho it's rainy season. 

I spent last week at this sanctuary yoga and meditation retreat. I rented a cliff top hut next door at Horizon huts. This area is only accessible by taxi boat. The sanctuary offers yoga meditation and detox programs and has nice rooms. But I preferred to rent the $25/night hut next door at Horizon huts. These are probably the last few images of this voyage. 

Yoga, meditation and detox by day. Marijuana, hash and other things by nite. 

One of the reasons I'm leaving now is because if I dont leave now.....I may decide to stay a long time 


Primary belief system here......

This my hut. Hut #1. With toilet shower and sink

View from hut 1

My hammock

The ocean hammock at the sanctuary. 

Communal space at horizon. Where we smile all that pot

View from horizon's meditation platform 

Primary energy source. Tho there is a backup generator. 

When I told the group at Horizonthatvi was leaving.... they made me a mango chocolate fondue in 10m. Totally Improvised and delicious. 

If you want to book your hut, book soon

Friday, June 23, 2017

Falling in love with myself again

As my voyage of self rediscovery approaches it's conclusion, I am writing some notes to myself about why I took this trip and what I discovered. 

My main objective for this voyage was not just to get away and have lots of fun. Although I've certainly done a lot of that. 
Nor was my goal to go away to drown my sorrows. Although I've done some of that everyday too. Meditation has also helped me acknowledge sadness, and then let those darker clouds float away more quickly. 
And it's certainly wasn't for sex, although thank god, there has been a touch of that too.
And it wasn't just too travel. No I'm kidding. It's always about seeing new places. 

I went on my voyage to ask myself 2 main questions. 

First, could I be happy living with “just myself” ? 
Because if I could, then everything else would work itself out. Meditation has helped me tremendously fall in love with myself again. I'll explain how and why below.

Second, I wanted to test the idea that if a person lets go of his urge (compulsion in my case) to control things around him, and instead lets himself ‘go with the flow of life’, then magical opportunities present themselves. Many people who practice meditation suggest that ‘letting go’ is key to living a happy life. So on this voyage I rarely planned more than a couple of days ahead. Often I didn't know where I was going. And everyday was like magic. Day after day, new magical opportunities presented themselves. Each more amazing than the day before. 

So on this voyage,
I have rediscovered how to love myself. I've loved traveling ‘with myself’. And I now know, in my heart, that when I let go of my urge to control everything around me, magic follows each day. And I practice gratitude for every breathe I take. And gratitude fuels more magic. 

The next few paragraphs explore the ideas above in a little more depth.
If years ago, you had told me that one day I'd be writing notes to myself about meditation, yoga, letting go of control and finding inner happiness after loosing my 2nd life partner, I would have thought that you were crazy.

After Jerry left us,
I spent a short time being bitter at the world, angry at myself for not helping him more, sad for Jerry and wondering what would become of me. With the love of the people close to me, this period was thankfully short. I soon realized that my first priority had to be to intentionally find a way to 'start enjoying being WITH myself'. I have never really lived as a single person. And I now I expect that I will probably be single for a while. So if I could be happy being WITH myself', then everything else would work itself out. I use the term here ‘being WITH myself’ intentionally. For me the words ‘being alone’ or ‘being BY myself’ sound lonely. So I intentionally choose to say being WITH myself because that implies liking my own company. And meditation has been key in helping me like my own company.  

How I learned to love myself again. 
Through meditation, I realized that most people have 2 ‘voices’ or ‘selfs’ in their heads. I have learned to separate what I call the ‘chattering Jeff’ from my higher self. I call my higher self Jeffrey Nessim Douek (JND). Chattering Jeff is the voice in my head that is constantly talking to me. Chattering Jeff is never-endingly telling me what to do, criticizing me and others, and trying to control things because chattering Jeff thinks that he needs to control everything in order to be happy. Chattering Jeff is often repeating the same thousand ideas in my head day after day. I also found that many people don't really like their own ‘chattering self’ but think that their chattering self is their ‘real-and-only self. So most people don't think more about the subject. Other people believe, as I do, that every individual also has a higher quieter, calmer self, hidden deep inside ourself. Some call this self their ‘true’ or ‘higher’ self. I call my higher self JND and I talk to JND when I meditate. JND is Peaceful. Calm. Kind. Generous. Wise. JND is in fact the Jeff I WANT TO BE. And so I LOVE JND. The more I meditate, the more time I spend with JND. And now JND has even charmed the chattering Jeff, and the 2 are now trying to work together. And so when I say that I'm falling in love with myself again. This is what I mean. And by meditating a few minutes everyday, I'm letting JND lead me. And JND is connected to magic. 

Letting go. 
On this trip, and to my great surprise and delight, nearly every time I remembered to intentionally ‘let go instead of control’, and let the universe provide, the results have been quite spectacular. Day after day. Whether I was in Varanasi, India, quite probably the most miserable place of earth, I meditated a little and practiced letting go. I had amazing experiences every day that included being I invited to 2 Indian weddings. In Jaipur India, on a day when I had nothing planned, I was meditated by the pool at sunrise. An hour or 2 later, the owner of the hotel, who saw me meditating by the pool that morning, came to talk to me. He meditates too. He decided to offer me an Indian cooking class. He and his wife spent all day teaching me Indian cuisine. It was low season, and I was the only guest of their usually busy ‘Indian palace’ type hotel. The whole trip has been like that. 

Now I am on koh Phangan island, Thailand,
quite possibly the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. I've been on this small island for nearly 3 weeks, and I've rarely been bored or lonely (except maybe some evenings after 9pm). Even finding koh Phangan island was a magical surprise. I was sitting in my hotel in Bangkok wondering where to go next. I had no plans for the next day. I meditated a few minutes wondering where to go. A few minutes later, I got a text from Tiago about an infamous monthly ‘full moon party’ on the island of koh Phangan. I checked, and the next event was the very next day. So I went. And 3 weeks later, I'm still happy here. Then a week ago, I went to visit a friend of a friend of Tiago’s living on this island. And it just so happens this friend knows the manager of a yoga meditation center. It's calledTthe Sanctuary, and is reachable only by boat. I just spent 5 out-of-this-world days there, living in a little hut, on a cliff, next to a gorgeous beach, for $25/night.

I used to think 
that I needed to control everything around me in order to get my way and be happy. How else, in a crazy world full of uncertainty and change, could I make sure that I get what I want, other then by trying to control everything? But I've learnt that trying to control everything, doesn't always work, takes a lot of effort, and alienates other people. And even if I succeeded at controlling things, it only lead me to where I thought I wanted to go. Controlling things seemed like a logical path towards happiness, but it also excluded many possible outcomes that I hadn't thought of. As part of my mediations, I am learning to let go of control. And by intentionally 'going with the flow of life', life seems to bring me abundance, happiness, serenity. And magical opportunities. Things that 'control' has a hard time providing.

My surrender experiment. 
If the ideas above interest you, I suggest you read a book I just finished called "the surrender experiment" by Michael Singer. I got my inspiration for the type of voyage I wanted to take during an intense group meditation event on April 15. After the event, I shared my voyage ideas with some of the other participants at this event. Several people jumped to recommend this book. And now I share Mikey’s simple views on how to live a happy and successful life. Although I am only able to meditate for 10-15 minutes at a time (compared to all day like Mickey) and have I no intention of building a temple. I hoped that on this voyage I'd learn how to meditate for 30-60 minutes. But I'm still at 10-15m. Unless I use pot, which helps tremendously deeper my meditations. I also hoped to learn how to deepen my sober meditations. But it seems that many people who meditate, also use a little pot to help focus on the breathe. Few drink heavily if at all. 

Coming home. 
Yesterday I enjoyed my first acid trip ever. We a group of 10-15 new-age hippie types living in these cliff-side huts, tripping in the water together, on a secluded beach paradise. Complete with a DJ, playing outstanding deep house music. She was DJing just for the 15 of us. Pure magic. And as a result of this experience, I am now ready to come home. In fact I'm excited to come home to LA. And get back to work with my friends and family at the bistro. 

Other Interesting footnotes:

-Years ago my friend David taught me a trick to quickly connect to JND during meditative massages he gave me. I learned that by repeating my given name at birth, Jeffrey Nessim Douek, 3 times, to myself, I could nearly instantly quieten the chattering Jeff and access JND.

 -Last June, Jerry and I had the amazing good fortune of renting a sailboat in Croatia. It had a funny name for a Croatian sailboat: "go with the flow"

-As I travel, I notice how many people are not really happy living with themselves. And more sadly, I see how many lonely people look for strange companionships to lessen their sadness. Here in Thailand, there is a undercurrent of sad looking older foreign men who come to find young Thai girls (and boys) to offer them companionship. And as I grow older (56 soon) I notice that guys my age don't often 'fall in love' the way younger people do when they meet in their 20s or 30s. It seems that many people "seek arrangements" of all sorts for companionship...and all this seems funny to me. I'm not criticizing these people or judging them. I'm just realizing that this is not the way I want my future to be. I need to be happy living 'with myself first' for a while before thinking of a new relationship

The only disappointment
of this voyage is that I haven't really made any new long term friends. I had hoped that I'd meet a few new long term friends. I've met many very kind, generous, thoughtful and interesting people. And I look forward to seeing many of these people again. But few real new friends. Part of the reason is that it's low season and many people travel in couples. And part of the reason must be, because this trip really ended up being the fulfilling voyage of introspection that I hoped it would be.

Thank you Jerry. That you universe. Thank you everyone at the bistro 

Thank you for following my posts. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Beautiful koh Phangan

Well I found paradise on a little island called koh Phangan. Near koh Samui. And I had no reason to leave. The weather has been outstanding, although it's low season, so hotel prices are low and the Thai charm is on high. I moved to a 5* hotel a beach over from where I was. Panviman resort. I thought I couldn't afford to stay here. But the receptionist suggested I look at online specials. They had an $800/n villa for only $125/night. So I moved. 

Aabove is my new yoga massage and meditation hut

View from my room at sunrise

View from my villa at mid day

Saturday, June 10, 2017

But the best of Thailand are its islands and beaches

Now I'm on koh phangan. Koh means islands. I may never leave. Here is my room here. Unfortunately this blogs doesn't show videos well so I'm only posting pictures 

My room is the one in the middle with open doors

Perfect spot to meditate

This tiny highway gas station has 3 fountain and a deer zoo